Two

Chapter Two - You Can Leave Your Hat On
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Bella.

 
Hurrying through the doors of Molly’s all I could think was, Fuck, I really didn’t need to be late again.  But here I was pushing through the double, glass doors of the bar at ten after.  Of course I still had almost an hour before I had to go on, but that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t be receiving a lecture from James, especially since tonight was supposed to be my big night, my opening night.  

I raced toward the back, hoping against hope not to run into James before I made it to my dressing room.  Scanning the room I grimaced, knowing by one look at the floor that tonight would be crazy.  There was a mass of drunken bachelors already congregated around center stage, and by the look of it, we had several bachelors parties going on simultaneously, and that never ended well.  Small cocks and big egos, Fun!

James T. Collins

Yeah, tonight was gonna be rowdy.  I could always tell.  You know how some people just have a knack for knowing the stupid?  That ladies and gents is me, I just know stupid, call it a talent if you will, but I can just sniff out stupid.  It was an acquired gift, learned through years of experience.  I can’t say life has always been hard on me.  Sure I lost my parents early on, but my father ’Alistair’ treated me like his own, like I was special.  After he left me high and dry on the streets of New York, I have never been the same.  

I could always tell when life was gonna rain on me, and when it rained on Isabella Swan it motherfucking poured.  

A drunken grunt from Fort Sheridan decided at that moment to break a beer bottle and yell Who’Ra just as passed the check station, and our bouncer Brodney jerk him up by the shirt collar.  Damn, I hate being right.

Now not only can I pick up on the infallibly stupid, but the dangerous, too.  That being said, it doesn’t always mean I listen to myself.  I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t know how I always found myself in the twisted pickle, but sometimes I even surprise myself with my own foolishness.  

And right now, I had no clue how to get myself out of the fucked situation I found myself in, or even how I got in it.  Oh, right, I like to eat and keep warm in the winter, I must have forgotten.  Shaking my head I could only think that I must have lost it, I’m being snarky to myself now.  Yeah, bat-shit crazy!

Out of the corner of my eye I caught Seth waving in my direction.  Asking me by wave of the hand if I wanted my regular.  Winking back I gave him my answer.  Even working here for the last two years has not diminished my need for lubricant before the nights finally, I still got stage fright and I almost always needed to vomit if I didn’t drink something before I went on.  Not to mention that without my coffee and whiskey I’d be the bitchiest burlesque dancer that these men would ever have the displeasure of knowing.  I would scar them for life. 


So, as Seth would say, “For the sake of my cock and for the cocks of all man kind, here’s your coffee.”  I guess some habits really do die hard.  I wasn’t used to the constant demeaning comments or grabby hands when I first entered the work force a few years ago, you could even say that I was downright shocked at some of their behavior.  I had never seen a man treat a woman so callously, it was unheard of in my circle.  

My first gig was just a cocktail waitress a few times a week while still trying to find an apartment for rent, but I couldn’t make the grade.  After that I trained as a bartender and things got a little better. The customers did take a while to understand that I wouldn’t be taking their shit for long, nobody was gonna grab my tits without expressed permission.  I had to knock a few heads together but after that they gave me the respect I demanded.  But even so, I was barely making rent, living off Top Ramen and wondering if my dog would starve to death.

It took a while to finally swallow my pride and audition for James, owner of this fine establishment.  But when I thought about it, what else could I do; I was a college dropout with no employment records, and lets face it the man had trying to get into my pants since I started bartending at his sister bar downtown.  I had tried and failed repeatedly to find a job that didn’t include beer or dancing topless, but with my last name I found it impossible.  Even if I didn’t have the last name I did my reputation in this town was cemented in stone, I was a Cullen by association and most reputable establishments were terrified of the Cullen family.

I hated working for that chauvinistic pig, the man was into some bad shit, and thankfully I was smart enough to turn the other cheek and look away.  It was still a hard pill to swallow sometimes, my life turned out nothing like I thought it would.  I thought I would be a college graduate and Edward and I would be married right now, not dancing burlesque four nights a week and bar-tending the other three.  Laughing, I reached the bar and Seth handed me my drink.  Taking a long gulp of the my warm, caffeinated goodness, Seth asked me what was so funny.

“Oh, nothing much,”  I told him with an amused smile.  “Just thinking about the past.”

“Again?”  He asked, the smile falling from his face.  “Usually when you do that we have a bad night.”  He said gesturing to the crowd around us.

I sighed.  “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“How’s my dipshit brother?”  He was obviously trying to change the subject.  It wasn’t working, but I humored him anyway.

“Last I checked he was still madly in love with his wife and working his ass off.”

He bristled slightly, and I winked knowing he was still jealous of Jacob.  Seth had been working for James longer than either of us and James relentlessly perused Jacob for the role of our coveted male dancer.  Hoped for Seth’s sake that one day James would wake up and see his potential.

I waved him thanks and rushed towards the back, still scanning repeatedly, looking for any sign of dirty blond hair or a creepy smirk.

Making to my dressing room I slumped against the door, willing the tears not to fall.  Seth was right, I would have a bad night.  As the tears continued to fall I thought back to what started it all.  The night that forever changed my life.

I had cried for hours the night we left, to start our new life in New York.  Edward had big plans for us, our whole life planned out…starting with NYU.  Edward and I had argued for days about leaving, and he fought his brothers and even his father tooth and nails, convinced it was the right move for us.  I’m not positive but I’m pretty sure Jazz put Edward into a wall at some point that evening, the drywall painted in dark green - the color of Carlisle’s office - said it all.

I had no desire to attend NYU or to go to New York.  There was nothing there for me, nothing but a family that killed my father.  But this was Edward’s big dream to study music at a prestigious university and I couldn’t deny that New York was a perfect fit for his personality.  Me, I could have studied anywhere, and I loathed to be away from the family and especially Jasper.

Edward and I have always had a special relationship, I cared about him and he cared about me.  But I think we both knew there was no real love there.  Commitment we had and I couldn’t find it in me to break his heart.  It was odd to me that Edward had so easily confided in me, he had never fit in with his family or even the small circle of friends we had.  He always labeled himself an outcast; the black sheep, but that didn’t apply to me, or so I thought.  I know differently now.

Edward Cullen

It was roughly two months after we left for out new life that things started to change.  We wouldn’t be starting school for a few more months, but out of boredom I decided to audit a few of the classes I would be taking.

My mistake.

This gave Edward ample time to corralled by a man I would never forget; you couldn’t bleach that man’s name from my brain.

Aro Fucking Volturi.

Edward called him a business opportunity, and he even went as far as to tell me Aro was in politics.

Aro Volturi

I call him a rat bastard who I wouldn’t piss on if he were on fire, to save the entire city.  

I wondered at times just how stupid Edward thought me to be.  I was no trophy girlfriend, I had my own mind, but sometimes I don’t think he knew that.  And my mind at the time was telling me to slit Edward Cullens fucking throat for even breathing the same air as Aro Volturi.  I think it was then that everything went downhill, Edward became polluted in my eyes, tarnished, and not at all the man I knew him to be.

I knew everything there was to know about the Volturi family and legitimate they were not.  Aro Volturi was no politician, he was the at the head of the Volturi crime family; second only to Marcus, the Don himself.  And Edward, my sweet Edward jumped in head first.  Nothing I could say would make him see reason.  Aro Volturi hung the fucking moon and I wanted to vomit.

Edward became different after that.  He was colder, distant, and most importantly…secretive.  Diner party after diner party he attended - to which, I was never invited.  Late night meeting turned into him staying out all night.  I never saw him anymore, he was just…gone.

 Then it happened, the bottom fell out.  He came home early one morning, reeking of bar and crooning about moving to Boston, to above all things, become a lawyer.  I nearly spit out my coffee, as matter of fact I think I did. 

Was he fucking crazy?
Maybe I was dreaming, that was all I could think at the time.  It made a Hell of a lot more sense than what Edward was telling me.  I had left everything behind for him to study here, my family, my life and my best friend.  There was no way this was real.  I hadn’t had, my coffee yet so therefore, I must be dreaming.  I wasn’t.
Nothing made sense until he said ‘Aro thought it’d be good for him’.  I found myself a moment later laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face.  Edward just watched on, looking at me like I had lost my mind and sometimes I think he was right.  I had lost my mind to give up everyone I cared about for him, he wasn’t worth it.

Though Edward might have been naïve to the matter I however, was not.  I knew this was all Aro’s doing.  Edward was intelligent but impressionable - especially where Aro was concerned - and he felt he never truly felt he fit in with anyone.  Aro gave him that, a sense of purpose, and a form of kinship that I paled in comparison to. 

It was my own mouth, I suppose, that sealed my fate.  Being that it was five in the morning and I had yet to consume even a glass of water, my mouth flew off it’s hinge.  I taunted and teased him, calling him fake, reminding him of his own harsh words for lawyers and then attacking Aro.  I knew better than to argue with Edward about Aro, I knew it would get me nowhere but I was pissed and couldn’t stop myself.

The argument as I suspected led to Edward storming back out the door and I didn’t see him for the rest of the day.  This shit was like a bad horror movie.  Aro might as well had been Merlin seducing King Arthur with a magic dildo.  He didn’t speak to me that evening and he refused to sleep in our bed, I should have known then that this was the end, but I never thought Edward would be capable of some of the things he has done.

A week passed before the it all came to a head.  And the final straw had been broken.  It was a beautiful Thursday evening, a rarity in New York when I received the phone call that ended it all.  The call was by a man who said he wished remain nameless at the time I had no idea who he was or what his intentions were, but I was curious to say the least.  All I was given was a time and an address, grabbing a pen and notepad I wrote it out and recognized it before my pen ever left the pad.  It was a small but very upscale restaurant downtown and it’s owner?  You guessed it…the Volturi family.

I waited for what seemed like forever in the cold, dark of night, positioned directly across the street from the entrance.  And as Edward’s car pulled up to the valet parking my heart raced, but all to soon it stopped dead in my chest.  He wasn’t alone, opening the passenger door a smiled and lowered his hand to help, perhaps the most beautiful woman I had ever seen from his vehicle.  Dark olive skin and jet black hair.  I already knew who she was, I wouldn’t have even had to see her face, but I did.  Carmen Volturi; Aro’s daughter…his very unattached daughter.  The smiled and laughed their way into the entrance, Edward’s hand falling to rest on her lower back, his thumb caressing the bare skin left present from her flowing, red gown. 

Carmen Volturi

I felt betrayed and sickened by the sight.  I had given up everything for him and this was how he chose to repay me.  No longer did I feel any compassion or commitment to Edward, only anger and resentment.

I went home, alone and fuming and when he returned that night, I confronted him.  Edward was finally revealing his true colors, and they were as yellow as they come.  He threw things, yelled and called me every name under the sun in his anger and again, he left.  He explained nothing, except I should be the one accusing him of cheating.  I was left confused and thinking that in all the stress, he finally lost it.    

Things were different after that, he spent no time at home, and became increasingly distant with me - if that was even possible, it was.  Our sex-life became non-existent and I had enough sense now to know why.  Why would you want the half-breed, orphan when you could have the perfect, pure bread daughter of your idol?  

I kept up with my activities and tried not to think about what Edward was doing when I wasn’t around, which was always.  It didn’t last long.  Three weeks to the day later, I found myself standing in an empty apartment, it had been cleaned and ready to re-rent.  Everything had seemed so perfect that morning, Edward was speaking and even teasing me, it felt like old times.  A kiss goodbye and I was out the door, and Edward made cappuccino in hand.  Life seemed to be looking up and I sat in on two classes with a smile on my face. 

I had no longer held any expectation of Edward, but for him to do this, I admit I was shocked.  Everything was gone, but two boxes of my personal effects and duffle-bag of clothing.  He was leaving me and it was not totally unexpected, but to do it this way was so wrong in my mind.  I found him on the balcony, cigarette in his mouth, looking out over the city.  It was infuriating how peaceful he looked.  

And I was right, he was leaving me for Boston and Carmen Volturi as she was coming with him.  Edward told me that night how hurt and disappointed he was when I accused him of cheating.  I laughed in his face, and he was not amused.  He claimed I was crazy and that Carmen was just another business associate, much like her father.  I laughed harder.  

“My ass,”  I told him, trying to gain control of my humor.  “That woman couldn’t tie her own shoe without the butlers help.”

When he called me nothing more than a jealous whore, I growled at him.  I had never wanted to murder anyone as much as I wanted to murder Edward in that minute, and I think he knew it.  He grew incredibly silent before continuing on with his excuses.  

He told me that for him to continue his legitimate life-style, that he hoped would one day lead him to a seat in Congress, that he had to sever all ties to his past, myself included.  The more he spoke the colder he became; telling me that I was just a distraction, one he could no longer afford.  He told me he never loved me and that if I wanted to be loved I should have stayed back in Chicago.  I still have no idea what he meant.

He broke so many promises to me that night, leaving me standing in that apartment, no money, no roof over my head…nothing.

I was more humiliated than heartbroken.  Sure I was never in-love with Edward, but he was at one time my friend, and my family and he threw me away.  It hurt.

I was humiliated, broke and alone.

I hadn’t taken any of my bank cards from Alistair when I left with Edward, I wasn’t supposed to and I was too prideful to do so now.  I thank God for the insight to take up a few odd jobs for something to do in the weeks and months Edward had left me alone; dog walking and selling cosmetics at a local Sak’s Fifth Avenue.  It took every cent I had not to starve to death and make my way home.  Well, to Chicago anyways, I could never go home.  I was to cowardly to face my father, Alice and mostly Jasper.  I had turned my back on them, how could I ever look into their eyes and find the same betrayal I have now seen in my own; I had abandoned them much like Edward had done to me.

No, I thought with a sigh.  I could never return home.

I felt a trail of wetness sliding down my cheek and I wiped at the lone tear as I thought of Jasper; my Jazz.  I missed him, admittedly, more than the rest.  I missed the stupid little country songs he used to sing to me when I was down and out or sick.  The way his eyebrow’s would raise comically after something I said.  His laugh and his smile, I missed them all.  I missed him.

A brutal pounding on my dressing room door startled me from my thought and very nearly made me poke my eye out with the eyeliner I had been holding.

“TEN MINUTES, SWAN!”  Yelled the stage hand.  Fucking prick.

Rolling my eyes, my mind wandered to when I first arrived back in Chicago.  A friend I had made in High School let me stay with her and her husband and he even got me the job as a cocktail waitress at “Howl at the Moon”, unfortunately it was also where I met James.  It wasn’t long after I had started bar-tending with Jacob - Maggie’s husband - as my teacher that James rented me an apartment out of one of the building he owned not far from Molly Mae’s.  It quickly became apparent that I couldn’t cut the rent without taking James up in his offer; I cried the entire time.  

The only other man to see me in the nude besides Edward was Jasper, and that had been an accident.  He walked in on me getting out of the shower not long after we first me; I have never seen him blush so hard.
I heard a whimper coming from my over-sized, black bag and I smiled.  Miggs was dreaming again.  

Putting the final touches to my hair and make up, I slipped into my costume; a house favorite or so I am told.  It was time to get my game face on.  It had been four years since I had left my family and my old life behind, I had been betrayed by a friend, I had been homeless and I rose above it all and transformed myself.

I was no longer the ugly duckling from my childhood, I was a woman now and I was… ‘The Black Swan.’

Funny though, that throughout all my efforts and hard work all I had to show for it was a small and run down apartment, a job I hated and an ugly, one-eyes pug names Miggs.  Poor little bastard, no one wanted him, either.

I had always loved animals but with as strapped as I already was with money, I never thought I would own a dog.  But when I found him shivering in the snow in the alley behind Molly’s I just couldn’t leave him there.  I’ve had him for near three years now and I’ll be damned if I didn’t love that ugly-fucking-dog.

Miggs reminded me of me, bitter and jaded.  He was like an crotchety old man with nothing better to do than yell at the neighbor kids for walking on his grass.  Except in our case, I couldn’t afford grass so Miggs found his territory in a large black tote of mine.  You fuck with his bag and he will fuck with you. 

Miggs

Yeah, he was fat, awkward and blind in one eye and you’d be in more danger of drowning in his drool but if you touched me, he will bite you.  James seems to be his ever growing target.

“ONE MINUTE!”  

“ALRIGHT!”  I screeched back, I never understood his need to yell, I wasn’t deaf and I wasn’t stupid.  

Once more checking my appearance, I sighed heavily.  I had to be perfect tonight, I was in the spotlight a position that every girl here wanted, save for me.  One little mistake and James would have his boot so far up my ass, I’d be spitting out his laces for a month.  Most of the girl here, thought that my rise through the ranks was from me fucking the boss.  Making my way through the community dressing area, I tried to ignore the death barbs being hurled in my direction, all it would do was start a fight which would lead to my docked wages for fucking up one of James’ dancers.  If any of these dumb bitches had even an inkling of what James “special treatment” entailed, they wouldn’t be so fast to fight each other for it.  No, I was not fucking my boss for brownie points, much to his chagrin.  No, James had a special way he liked to handle me when I got out of control, and non of it was pretty.  Son-of-a-bitch, even paid for my recovery time.

It wasn’t out of kindness, James is not a kind man but I was his “top” girl and I had a large following.  But he had other ways as well for keeping me in line; he held my job and my home all in the palm of his disgusting hands.  So for the sake of mine and Miggs welfare, I dealt with the bullshit.

I was shaking by time I made it to center stage, I was so fucking nervous tonight.  I would be performing a favorite of mine by Joe Cocker.  It was sultry and seductive; just like me.

Taking my stance as the music keyed up, I told myself just to breathe.  I felt the hot lights on my back as the curtain raised and the crowed cheered as my name was announced.  I was alone, just me, a chair and the stage.  The first note hit and I cued my kick, hoping I had kicked the chair far enough away as to not trip on it later.  I completed my spin and faced the audience and that was when I nearly fell on my face.  I felt like I was suspended in time, and perhaps I was dreaming.  If I was, I wanted to wake the fuck up, now.