Two

Chapter Two - You Can Leave Your Hat On
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Bella.

 
Hurrying through the doors of Molly’s all I could think was, Fuck, I really didn’t need to be late again.  But here I was pushing through the double, glass doors of the bar at ten after.  Of course I still had almost an hour before I had to go on, but that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t be receiving a lecture from James, especially since tonight was supposed to be my big night, my opening night.  

I raced toward the back, hoping against hope not to run into James before I made it to my dressing room.  Scanning the room I grimaced, knowing by one look at the floor that tonight would be crazy.  There was a mass of drunken bachelors already congregated around center stage, and by the look of it, we had several bachelors parties going on simultaneously, and that never ended well.  Small cocks and big egos, Fun!

James T. Collins

Yeah, tonight was gonna be rowdy.  I could always tell.  You know how some people just have a knack for knowing the stupid?  That ladies and gents is me, I just know stupid, call it a talent if you will, but I can just sniff out stupid.  It was an acquired gift, learned through years of experience.  I can’t say life has always been hard on me.  Sure I lost my parents early on, but my father ’Alistair’ treated me like his own, like I was special.  After he left me high and dry on the streets of New York, I have never been the same.  

I could always tell when life was gonna rain on me, and when it rained on Isabella Swan it motherfucking poured.  

A drunken grunt from Fort Sheridan decided at that moment to break a beer bottle and yell Who’Ra just as passed the check station, and our bouncer Brodney jerk him up by the shirt collar.  Damn, I hate being right.

Now not only can I pick up on the infallibly stupid, but the dangerous, too.  That being said, it doesn’t always mean I listen to myself.  I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t know how I always found myself in the twisted pickle, but sometimes I even surprise myself with my own foolishness.  

And right now, I had no clue how to get myself out of the fucked situation I found myself in, or even how I got in it.  Oh, right, I like to eat and keep warm in the winter, I must have forgotten.  Shaking my head I could only think that I must have lost it, I’m being snarky to myself now.  Yeah, bat-shit crazy!

Out of the corner of my eye I caught Seth waving in my direction.  Asking me by wave of the hand if I wanted my regular.  Winking back I gave him my answer.  Even working here for the last two years has not diminished my need for lubricant before the nights finally, I still got stage fright and I almost always needed to vomit if I didn’t drink something before I went on.  Not to mention that without my coffee and whiskey I’d be the bitchiest burlesque dancer that these men would ever have the displeasure of knowing.  I would scar them for life. 


So, as Seth would say, “For the sake of my cock and for the cocks of all man kind, here’s your coffee.”  I guess some habits really do die hard.  I wasn’t used to the constant demeaning comments or grabby hands when I first entered the work force a few years ago, you could even say that I was downright shocked at some of their behavior.  I had never seen a man treat a woman so callously, it was unheard of in my circle.  

My first gig was just a cocktail waitress a few times a week while still trying to find an apartment for rent, but I couldn’t make the grade.  After that I trained as a bartender and things got a little better. The customers did take a while to understand that I wouldn’t be taking their shit for long, nobody was gonna grab my tits without expressed permission.  I had to knock a few heads together but after that they gave me the respect I demanded.  But even so, I was barely making rent, living off Top Ramen and wondering if my dog would starve to death.

It took a while to finally swallow my pride and audition for James, owner of this fine establishment.  But when I thought about it, what else could I do; I was a college dropout with no employment records, and lets face it the man had trying to get into my pants since I started bartending at his sister bar downtown.  I had tried and failed repeatedly to find a job that didn’t include beer or dancing topless, but with my last name I found it impossible.  Even if I didn’t have the last name I did my reputation in this town was cemented in stone, I was a Cullen by association and most reputable establishments were terrified of the Cullen family.

I hated working for that chauvinistic pig, the man was into some bad shit, and thankfully I was smart enough to turn the other cheek and look away.  It was still a hard pill to swallow sometimes, my life turned out nothing like I thought it would.  I thought I would be a college graduate and Edward and I would be married right now, not dancing burlesque four nights a week and bar-tending the other three.  Laughing, I reached the bar and Seth handed me my drink.  Taking a long gulp of the my warm, caffeinated goodness, Seth asked me what was so funny.

“Oh, nothing much,”  I told him with an amused smile.  “Just thinking about the past.”

“Again?”  He asked, the smile falling from his face.  “Usually when you do that we have a bad night.”  He said gesturing to the crowd around us.

I sighed.  “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“How’s my dipshit brother?”  He was obviously trying to change the subject.  It wasn’t working, but I humored him anyway.

“Last I checked he was still madly in love with his wife and working his ass off.”

He bristled slightly, and I winked knowing he was still jealous of Jacob.  Seth had been working for James longer than either of us and James relentlessly perused Jacob for the role of our coveted male dancer.  Hoped for Seth’s sake that one day James would wake up and see his potential.

I waved him thanks and rushed towards the back, still scanning repeatedly, looking for any sign of dirty blond hair or a creepy smirk.

Making to my dressing room I slumped against the door, willing the tears not to fall.  Seth was right, I would have a bad night.  As the tears continued to fall I thought back to what started it all.  The night that forever changed my life.

I had cried for hours the night we left, to start our new life in New York.  Edward had big plans for us, our whole life planned out…starting with NYU.  Edward and I had argued for days about leaving, and he fought his brothers and even his father tooth and nails, convinced it was the right move for us.  I’m not positive but I’m pretty sure Jazz put Edward into a wall at some point that evening, the drywall painted in dark green - the color of Carlisle’s office - said it all.

I had no desire to attend NYU or to go to New York.  There was nothing there for me, nothing but a family that killed my father.  But this was Edward’s big dream to study music at a prestigious university and I couldn’t deny that New York was a perfect fit for his personality.  Me, I could have studied anywhere, and I loathed to be away from the family and especially Jasper.

Edward and I have always had a special relationship, I cared about him and he cared about me.  But I think we both knew there was no real love there.  Commitment we had and I couldn’t find it in me to break his heart.  It was odd to me that Edward had so easily confided in me, he had never fit in with his family or even the small circle of friends we had.  He always labeled himself an outcast; the black sheep, but that didn’t apply to me, or so I thought.  I know differently now.

Edward Cullen

It was roughly two months after we left for out new life that things started to change.  We wouldn’t be starting school for a few more months, but out of boredom I decided to audit a few of the classes I would be taking.

My mistake.

This gave Edward ample time to corralled by a man I would never forget; you couldn’t bleach that man’s name from my brain.

Aro Fucking Volturi.

Edward called him a business opportunity, and he even went as far as to tell me Aro was in politics.

Aro Volturi

I call him a rat bastard who I wouldn’t piss on if he were on fire, to save the entire city.  

I wondered at times just how stupid Edward thought me to be.  I was no trophy girlfriend, I had my own mind, but sometimes I don’t think he knew that.  And my mind at the time was telling me to slit Edward Cullens fucking throat for even breathing the same air as Aro Volturi.  I think it was then that everything went downhill, Edward became polluted in my eyes, tarnished, and not at all the man I knew him to be.

I knew everything there was to know about the Volturi family and legitimate they were not.  Aro Volturi was no politician, he was the at the head of the Volturi crime family; second only to Marcus, the Don himself.  And Edward, my sweet Edward jumped in head first.  Nothing I could say would make him see reason.  Aro Volturi hung the fucking moon and I wanted to vomit.

Edward became different after that.  He was colder, distant, and most importantly…secretive.  Diner party after diner party he attended - to which, I was never invited.  Late night meeting turned into him staying out all night.  I never saw him anymore, he was just…gone.

 Then it happened, the bottom fell out.  He came home early one morning, reeking of bar and crooning about moving to Boston, to above all things, become a lawyer.  I nearly spit out my coffee, as matter of fact I think I did. 

Was he fucking crazy?
Maybe I was dreaming, that was all I could think at the time.  It made a Hell of a lot more sense than what Edward was telling me.  I had left everything behind for him to study here, my family, my life and my best friend.  There was no way this was real.  I hadn’t had, my coffee yet so therefore, I must be dreaming.  I wasn’t.
Nothing made sense until he said ‘Aro thought it’d be good for him’.  I found myself a moment later laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face.  Edward just watched on, looking at me like I had lost my mind and sometimes I think he was right.  I had lost my mind to give up everyone I cared about for him, he wasn’t worth it.

Though Edward might have been naïve to the matter I however, was not.  I knew this was all Aro’s doing.  Edward was intelligent but impressionable - especially where Aro was concerned - and he felt he never truly felt he fit in with anyone.  Aro gave him that, a sense of purpose, and a form of kinship that I paled in comparison to. 

It was my own mouth, I suppose, that sealed my fate.  Being that it was five in the morning and I had yet to consume even a glass of water, my mouth flew off it’s hinge.  I taunted and teased him, calling him fake, reminding him of his own harsh words for lawyers and then attacking Aro.  I knew better than to argue with Edward about Aro, I knew it would get me nowhere but I was pissed and couldn’t stop myself.

The argument as I suspected led to Edward storming back out the door and I didn’t see him for the rest of the day.  This shit was like a bad horror movie.  Aro might as well had been Merlin seducing King Arthur with a magic dildo.  He didn’t speak to me that evening and he refused to sleep in our bed, I should have known then that this was the end, but I never thought Edward would be capable of some of the things he has done.

A week passed before the it all came to a head.  And the final straw had been broken.  It was a beautiful Thursday evening, a rarity in New York when I received the phone call that ended it all.  The call was by a man who said he wished remain nameless at the time I had no idea who he was or what his intentions were, but I was curious to say the least.  All I was given was a time and an address, grabbing a pen and notepad I wrote it out and recognized it before my pen ever left the pad.  It was a small but very upscale restaurant downtown and it’s owner?  You guessed it…the Volturi family.

I waited for what seemed like forever in the cold, dark of night, positioned directly across the street from the entrance.  And as Edward’s car pulled up to the valet parking my heart raced, but all to soon it stopped dead in my chest.  He wasn’t alone, opening the passenger door a smiled and lowered his hand to help, perhaps the most beautiful woman I had ever seen from his vehicle.  Dark olive skin and jet black hair.  I already knew who she was, I wouldn’t have even had to see her face, but I did.  Carmen Volturi; Aro’s daughter…his very unattached daughter.  The smiled and laughed their way into the entrance, Edward’s hand falling to rest on her lower back, his thumb caressing the bare skin left present from her flowing, red gown. 

Carmen Volturi

I felt betrayed and sickened by the sight.  I had given up everything for him and this was how he chose to repay me.  No longer did I feel any compassion or commitment to Edward, only anger and resentment.

I went home, alone and fuming and when he returned that night, I confronted him.  Edward was finally revealing his true colors, and they were as yellow as they come.  He threw things, yelled and called me every name under the sun in his anger and again, he left.  He explained nothing, except I should be the one accusing him of cheating.  I was left confused and thinking that in all the stress, he finally lost it.    

Things were different after that, he spent no time at home, and became increasingly distant with me - if that was even possible, it was.  Our sex-life became non-existent and I had enough sense now to know why.  Why would you want the half-breed, orphan when you could have the perfect, pure bread daughter of your idol?  

I kept up with my activities and tried not to think about what Edward was doing when I wasn’t around, which was always.  It didn’t last long.  Three weeks to the day later, I found myself standing in an empty apartment, it had been cleaned and ready to re-rent.  Everything had seemed so perfect that morning, Edward was speaking and even teasing me, it felt like old times.  A kiss goodbye and I was out the door, and Edward made cappuccino in hand.  Life seemed to be looking up and I sat in on two classes with a smile on my face. 

I had no longer held any expectation of Edward, but for him to do this, I admit I was shocked.  Everything was gone, but two boxes of my personal effects and duffle-bag of clothing.  He was leaving me and it was not totally unexpected, but to do it this way was so wrong in my mind.  I found him on the balcony, cigarette in his mouth, looking out over the city.  It was infuriating how peaceful he looked.  

And I was right, he was leaving me for Boston and Carmen Volturi as she was coming with him.  Edward told me that night how hurt and disappointed he was when I accused him of cheating.  I laughed in his face, and he was not amused.  He claimed I was crazy and that Carmen was just another business associate, much like her father.  I laughed harder.  

“My ass,”  I told him, trying to gain control of my humor.  “That woman couldn’t tie her own shoe without the butlers help.”

When he called me nothing more than a jealous whore, I growled at him.  I had never wanted to murder anyone as much as I wanted to murder Edward in that minute, and I think he knew it.  He grew incredibly silent before continuing on with his excuses.  

He told me that for him to continue his legitimate life-style, that he hoped would one day lead him to a seat in Congress, that he had to sever all ties to his past, myself included.  The more he spoke the colder he became; telling me that I was just a distraction, one he could no longer afford.  He told me he never loved me and that if I wanted to be loved I should have stayed back in Chicago.  I still have no idea what he meant.

He broke so many promises to me that night, leaving me standing in that apartment, no money, no roof over my head…nothing.

I was more humiliated than heartbroken.  Sure I was never in-love with Edward, but he was at one time my friend, and my family and he threw me away.  It hurt.

I was humiliated, broke and alone.

I hadn’t taken any of my bank cards from Alistair when I left with Edward, I wasn’t supposed to and I was too prideful to do so now.  I thank God for the insight to take up a few odd jobs for something to do in the weeks and months Edward had left me alone; dog walking and selling cosmetics at a local Sak’s Fifth Avenue.  It took every cent I had not to starve to death and make my way home.  Well, to Chicago anyways, I could never go home.  I was to cowardly to face my father, Alice and mostly Jasper.  I had turned my back on them, how could I ever look into their eyes and find the same betrayal I have now seen in my own; I had abandoned them much like Edward had done to me.

No, I thought with a sigh.  I could never return home.

I felt a trail of wetness sliding down my cheek and I wiped at the lone tear as I thought of Jasper; my Jazz.  I missed him, admittedly, more than the rest.  I missed the stupid little country songs he used to sing to me when I was down and out or sick.  The way his eyebrow’s would raise comically after something I said.  His laugh and his smile, I missed them all.  I missed him.

A brutal pounding on my dressing room door startled me from my thought and very nearly made me poke my eye out with the eyeliner I had been holding.

“TEN MINUTES, SWAN!”  Yelled the stage hand.  Fucking prick.

Rolling my eyes, my mind wandered to when I first arrived back in Chicago.  A friend I had made in High School let me stay with her and her husband and he even got me the job as a cocktail waitress at “Howl at the Moon”, unfortunately it was also where I met James.  It wasn’t long after I had started bar-tending with Jacob - Maggie’s husband - as my teacher that James rented me an apartment out of one of the building he owned not far from Molly Mae’s.  It quickly became apparent that I couldn’t cut the rent without taking James up in his offer; I cried the entire time.  

The only other man to see me in the nude besides Edward was Jasper, and that had been an accident.  He walked in on me getting out of the shower not long after we first me; I have never seen him blush so hard.
I heard a whimper coming from my over-sized, black bag and I smiled.  Miggs was dreaming again.  

Putting the final touches to my hair and make up, I slipped into my costume; a house favorite or so I am told.  It was time to get my game face on.  It had been four years since I had left my family and my old life behind, I had been betrayed by a friend, I had been homeless and I rose above it all and transformed myself.

I was no longer the ugly duckling from my childhood, I was a woman now and I was… ‘The Black Swan.’

Funny though, that throughout all my efforts and hard work all I had to show for it was a small and run down apartment, a job I hated and an ugly, one-eyes pug names Miggs.  Poor little bastard, no one wanted him, either.

I had always loved animals but with as strapped as I already was with money, I never thought I would own a dog.  But when I found him shivering in the snow in the alley behind Molly’s I just couldn’t leave him there.  I’ve had him for near three years now and I’ll be damned if I didn’t love that ugly-fucking-dog.

Miggs reminded me of me, bitter and jaded.  He was like an crotchety old man with nothing better to do than yell at the neighbor kids for walking on his grass.  Except in our case, I couldn’t afford grass so Miggs found his territory in a large black tote of mine.  You fuck with his bag and he will fuck with you. 

Miggs

Yeah, he was fat, awkward and blind in one eye and you’d be in more danger of drowning in his drool but if you touched me, he will bite you.  James seems to be his ever growing target.

“ONE MINUTE!”  

“ALRIGHT!”  I screeched back, I never understood his need to yell, I wasn’t deaf and I wasn’t stupid.  

Once more checking my appearance, I sighed heavily.  I had to be perfect tonight, I was in the spotlight a position that every girl here wanted, save for me.  One little mistake and James would have his boot so far up my ass, I’d be spitting out his laces for a month.  Most of the girl here, thought that my rise through the ranks was from me fucking the boss.  Making my way through the community dressing area, I tried to ignore the death barbs being hurled in my direction, all it would do was start a fight which would lead to my docked wages for fucking up one of James’ dancers.  If any of these dumb bitches had even an inkling of what James “special treatment” entailed, they wouldn’t be so fast to fight each other for it.  No, I was not fucking my boss for brownie points, much to his chagrin.  No, James had a special way he liked to handle me when I got out of control, and non of it was pretty.  Son-of-a-bitch, even paid for my recovery time.

It wasn’t out of kindness, James is not a kind man but I was his “top” girl and I had a large following.  But he had other ways as well for keeping me in line; he held my job and my home all in the palm of his disgusting hands.  So for the sake of mine and Miggs welfare, I dealt with the bullshit.

I was shaking by time I made it to center stage, I was so fucking nervous tonight.  I would be performing a favorite of mine by Joe Cocker.  It was sultry and seductive; just like me.

Taking my stance as the music keyed up, I told myself just to breathe.  I felt the hot lights on my back as the curtain raised and the crowed cheered as my name was announced.  I was alone, just me, a chair and the stage.  The first note hit and I cued my kick, hoping I had kicked the chair far enough away as to not trip on it later.  I completed my spin and faced the audience and that was when I nearly fell on my face.  I felt like I was suspended in time, and perhaps I was dreaming.  If I was, I wanted to wake the fuck up, now. 

One

Four Years Later...

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Jasper

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“Fuckin’ Hell, Em!”  I yelled, trying to convey my dislike for the blaring music of the gentlemen’s club I had been all but shanghaied to earlier this evening.  “Couldn’t we take him somewhere quieter?”  Anywhere else, I plead mentally. My head was already pounding and the strobe lights and dancing girls were not helping matters. 

Emmett just slapped my shoulder jovially and laughed at my grumbling.  “Loosen up Jazz, it’s a bachelor party and this place has the hottest girls in the city.” 

I sneer at his comment.  To me the Queen of fuckin’ Sheba could be in attendance - naked - and it wouldn’t make a difference to me.  I had no desire to be here in the throngs of diseased flesh and nothing and no-one could change my mind. 

It was Emmett, with all his infinite male wisdom who came up with the brilliant idea to bring our overly hormone crazed, oversexed, soon-to-be-brother-in-law to Molly Mae’s; Chicago’s premier burlesque show. Or so I’ve been told tonight, repeatedly. Personally I wanted to slap the teeth straight out of my brothers mouth the moment the idea passed his lips.  This is my Hell.

Begrudgingly, I had to admit that the place was nice. Or at least it looked nice. It had that old world brothel feel; crushed velvets and dark, rich woods and gold accents.  You get the idea.  God, I’ve spent too much time around Alice.  As nice as the place looked, if the show didn’t start soon they wouldn’t have to worry about a show so much as a renovation.  Cranky and packin’ was not a good combination.  Without their acclaimed show, this place was no different to me than every other shit-hole strip club in this city; women reeking of coconut oil and cheap perfume mixed with the clubs stale stench of old alcohol and smoke. In other words they leave a lot to be desired.  Fuckin’ disgusting.


At least I had some form of entertainment while I waited and I’m not talking about the ugly red-head who has tried several times to lure me with her long red nails to the VIP room.  Just… not happening.  No, I’m talking about watching Garrett and Felix stagger over to the bar, Garrett nearly tripping over his own damn feet as he ogled a passing cocktail waitress.  It occurred to me that if Alice’s fiancé kept up this pace we wouldn’t be seeing the show and I might just get out of here sooner than expected.  He was beyond fucked up already. Rubbing my hands together evilly I think about hitting the bar myself and buying him one of those great fuckin’ big drinks with fifteen straws I saw earlier.  I’d be home in a half an hour.  I could practically taste my bed.  But no, I’m not that fuckin’ mean.  Damn conscience.


I still had mixed feelings about my baby sister marring Garrett, I never in a million years would have imagined her settling down with one of my men.  But when Alice and Garrett brought their relationship to light Alice had made it perfectly clear too all that no matter what any of us thought, they would be together.  Alice being her father’s little angle and not to mention a mouthy spitfire, she got what she wanted. 

I hated the idea immediately.  It wasn’t that I thought Garrett wasn’t good enough for Alice, even though I really didn’t.  It was more that I didn’t want that kind of life for her.  She could have any normal man she desired.  She was beautiful, smart and had a caring heart.  I didn’t want her to have to wait up at night, wondering if I would be bringing her husband home to her in a body bag.  Wondering if this might be the night that he never came home at all.

It wasn’t an easy lifestyle for any of the Cullen woman, of that I could be certain.  It was dangerous and the future was always uncertain, but I guessed if Esme could deal with it all the years that she had, Alice could too.  I did take comfort in the fact that I would always be there watching his back and I promised Alice I would do everything in my power to keep him safe. Losing the one you love was never easy, and after losing Bella I vowed to myself that she would never feel that pain again.

With that thought I drifted to Bella’s face, forever burned in my mind in those last few moments before she disappeared into the night and out of my life.  She looked so… hopeless.  No Jasper, not here, not now.  I mentally slapped myself.  I promised I wouldn’t let her get to me tonight. This was supposed to be a celebration and I couldn’t ruin that for them.

Shaking of the agonizing thoughts of my lost love, I decided that for Alice I would suck it up, loosen up and not ruin Garrett’s big night, or Emmett’s for that matter.

The poor, married bastard… I thought to myself, amused.  He never got out anymore as he was constantly under the watchful, hawk-like eyes of his blue eyed bride. 

With a mischievous smirk, I turned to him, thinking that I deserved a little retribution, a little payback if you will for him bringing me into this hell of writhing flesh and booze.  I figured it was only as fair. He had made my night miserable so why not satisfy myself with scaring the shit out of him.  “So, does Rosalie know you’re here?”  I ask in the calmest voice I can manage, taking a sip of my drink for effect and deciding simultaneously that it would be the only one I had.  Fucking watered down shit.  I nearly lost my shit when his eyes widened as he spit out his drink.  I knew that shit would get him.  Pussy.

Emmett married two years ago to a beautiful and equally terrifying woman named Rosalie O’Hale.  She’s pretty much the princess of the Irish underworld, a stunning creature of model proportions; blonde hair, blue eyes and a body to rival any playboy fantasy.  But unfortunately for Emmett, she also had a bite to match her bark.  She was fiery and that made Emmett all the more crazy about there.  Carlisle fuckin’ did a happy dance in his office when they announced their engagement.  With her strong ties in the Irish Mob it made for excellent business opportunities and a whole horde of new business contracts for the Cullens.  Lucky us.

Em’s horror stuck face was priceless and he was practically green as he gulped, his eyes shifting from here to there like his wife might pop out of a shadow and yell “Boo”.  “Don’t fuck around,”  he whispered nervously.  “Rosie would castrate me if she knew I was in this club.  Collins owns it and you know how Rose feels about him.” 

My temper flared. 

Yeah, I knew that cocksucker alright.  James T. Collins, a vile man who had no more business being around half naked women than a serial rapist.  He was nothing more than a cockroach, crawling his way to the top and he dabbled in just about everything.  From the slave trade, drugs, murder for hire and just about anything else you could think of.  He wasn’t above doing anything to get what he wanted, including selling out his own men.  He’d skin you alive for next to nothing and feel no remorse about it later.  If he did in fact own this club then the faster we left the better. 

I growled at my sibling. “So you brink me here instead! Fuck, why didn’t you tell me?”  I was pissed.  I could scarcely believe Emmett would bring me here, he knew I had a personal disliking for that motherfucker.

He brushed off my annoyance with a wave of his hand.  “Chill man, it’s for Garrett.”  That only pissed me off more. That he thought that his words would make this all better. 

If I hadn’t wanted to be here before… it was infinitely worse now. 

Coming up with something to say was hard, I had plenty to say on the subject but just as I opened my mouth to start bitching the house lights dimmed and the main stage went black.  The sounds of men shushing the more lively audience had me intrigued.  I had never seen something quiet like that before but it was obvious that the next performer already had the rapt attention of the regulars.

I had overheard something about a “Black Swan” throughout the night, apparently the clubs most popular girl but I thought nothing of it as I really didn’t give a shit who she was.  But now, the way these yahoo’s went silent I knew that this must be her set and that maybe, just maybe I would actually get to see some entertainment.  The clubs DJ confirmed my suspicions a moment later and the crowed went nuts. 

Seductive Jazz music filled my ears, something eerily familiar but not that I could put my finger on.  Just as the open lyrics were made, a spotlight zeroed in on a lone figure on stage, with her foot propped on a lone chair.  The chair could be damned for all I cared, but that woman…

Decked out in black from head to toe, save for the tiny fringed skirt in blood red, this woman was a sight to behold.  Black fishnets clung to her never ending legs and a sexier than hell fedora perched on her head.  I felt like a giant dog in heat, but fuck me if she wasn’t stunning, and damn-it if I wasn’t as hard as a rock.  And this was only her backside.

But boy did her backside have my tail waggin’.  She was pale as the moon and her fuck-me locks of mahogany nearly hit her ass. My kind of woman.  Magnificent.


The music tempo fell and the lyrics started as she tossed the hat, kicking her chair away and spinning to face us.  As she did the music stopped, and so did my heart. 

Bella…

All the air seemed to leave my body in a loud whoosh.  The “Black Swan” wasn’t just any Swan, it was my Swan, my Bella. 

Her steps faltered and it had me briefly wondering if she recognized me, and then I chastised myself for a fool.  Of course she had to have seen us.  Emmett was sitting not two feet from me and Emmett never could do subtle, even the way he dressed.  But in true Bella style, those beautiful pink lips parted and I swear she whispered, “Fuck my life”, but I wasn’t sure.

A team of back up dancers joined Bella sometime during my temporary brain hemorrhage, and a red head hissed at her before Bella realized she was off cue.  She shook it off and continued on as if nothing had happened but her eyes continually sought mine out, as if she feared I might leave.  Not a chance in Hell, baby.

Emmett, who was tits deep in some blonde Barbie never even had a notion that his sister was standing not fifty feet from him and I thought to myself, he’s drunker than I thought.  That girl was a skank, who I wouldn’t touch on my most desperate day.

Turning my eyes back to the stage, I was gifted with the sight of Bella shimming her ass up and down a pole, right in front of my face.  My pant grew impossibly tight.  God, give me strength.  After that I couldn’t possibly tear my eyes away from her, instead I fumbled around blindly, hoping to find Emmett next to me.  I felt what I assumed and hoped to be his jacket and gave it a strong tug, but he didn’t respond.  My next course of action got his attention though.  Taking my eyes from the stage, I quickly found my target and slapped the shit out of the back of his head.

His head flew forward, bouncing of the table before he sat up and shook himself like a pissed off bull.  “OW! What the fuck, Bro? Why’d you fucking hit-”  As his words died in his throat I knew that he spotted her.  I didn’t even have to look, but I did anyways.  He was completely silent, his mouth hanging open as the shock of seeing Bella for the first time in four years hit him.  I knew the feeling.

I knew Emmett loved Bella like a sister and I’m sure seeing her writing around on stage all sex kitten like in next to nothing wasn’t sitting well with him but he didn’t say a word, and I sure as fuck wasn’t about to complain.

Scanning the room quickly, I searched for a mop of disheveled bronze hair, but Edward was no where to be seen, not that I really expected to see him in here.  No sir, it was far to… undignified for his tastes.  But that only tugged at my mind strings more, and begged the question; why the fuck was Bella here and without Edward.  I knew there was no way in Hell he would allow her to do something like this knowingly.  Fuck, when were kids Edward threw fits when Bella would dance at a fuckin’ nightclub, he likely shit his pants if he saw her now. 

“My God…”  Emmett croaked from beside me.  Amen Brother.  It wasn’t the most clever thing for someone as smartass as Emmett to say but it was better than sitting there gaping like a fool, basically what I was doing.  I had yet to utter a word, let alone a sentence or a statement.  Instead I sat there, arrested in my chair and nodding my head like a bobble head in agreement.  Yeah, My God is right.

Though I hadn’t managed to do much beyond drooling and imagining what Bella would look like grinding up and down on a much different pole, in my mind things were going… okay.  I hadn’t passed out yet but honestly I was still worried I might. 

A few minutes later I was eating my goddamned words and kicking myself for the jinx.  I should have never thought about how well things were going, even if it was just in my mind.  Because going well soon turned into threatening to knock all the teeth out of my sisters soon-to-be-hubby or as I’d like to call him; Dead Man Walkin’.

The cat-calls I could stomach, barely.  But when he staggered to his feet and whistled so loud that half of the club turned to stare, my limit met its untimely end.  “Hey babe! Over here!”  he yelled obnoxiously, waving an obscenely large wad of cash at Bella.  “I got something for ya!”

Somewhere in the rational part of my brain that wasn’t focused on the hand that gestured to that fucking idiots dick, and at his other hand that was trying like the dickens to wave Bella over.  Somewhere in there, I knew I was being irrational.  That the oversexed, idiot didn’t know that the woman he as harassing like a prostitute was the love of my life.  But all rationality had flown out the fuckin’ window the moment she took the stage.  Garrett was tittering on a very dangerous edge and if he wasn’t careful he was gonna take a nasty fall.

When he turned to Emmett and I with a bright cheery smile on his face as he started to spew more shit than a New York sewer system it was all I could do not to kill him, slowly.  “Damn, you guys see that brunette,”  he slurred, licking his lips with a dreamy expression.  I almost predicted the next words out of his mouth but I prayed to every damn god I could think of for him not to actually go there.  “I wonder if she would do one of those private dances.”

Rising from my seat with a snarl, I strode forward with every intention of fuckin’ him up good.  Em, foreseeing the end of his sister’s fiancé placed a burly hand on my shoulder and shoved me back into my seat.  I was pissed until Emmett growled, warning Garrett of what was to come if he didn’t shut his mouth, unfortunately for Garrett he never has been the brightest crayon in the box. 

“Man,” he sighed thoughtfully before turning to us with a mischievous glint.  “Hundred bucks say I can get her to suck my-”

“You finish that sentence and you’ll being sporting dentures to your wedding!”  Emmett bellows, slapping a hand roughly over Garrett’s mouth and pushing him to sit down.  It was a good thing he did, I didn’t need anything else agitating my already frazzled temper or my itchy trigger finger.  I was more than ready to shoot him but I don’t think he’ll ever realize how close I really was. 

Emmett scrutinize me warily from the corner of his eye, waiting for the moment he might have to interfere again.  As he probably knew before I did about me being in love with Bella he also knew who much it devastated me when she left.  Emmett’s examination was not with out warrant, he wasn’t stupid enough to think I wouldn’t fuck Garrett up - Alice’s fiancé or not - should he feel the need to open his mouth again.  If he would have finished his previous statement; missing teeth would have been the least of his worries. 

I need to calm down.

“Damn dude,”  Garrett pouts, tossing his wad of money back into his blazer while he sulks in his drink.  I grit my teeth as I hang on tighter than needed to the bottom of my chair, fighting with the notion of just slamming his head into the table and letting Emmett take him home.  He held up his hands in surrender the moment he caught my glare.  “I thought I was supposed to ogle… and all.”  He continued quietly, but made a squeezing gesture with his hands that had mine flying on to the table top, spilling most of our drinks.

“Not with that one!  You keep your eyes and your hands to your fuckin’ self!”  I growl, feeling my heart beat in my ears.  “You understand?” 

“Alright,”  he says defensively, shaking his head to clear the fog of lust and strong whiskey from his brain and turned his interest to another of the dancers who had just caught on to his ‘large’ cash wad he’d been flaunting all night.  This girl had no problem helping him with his ‘problems’ and absolutely no qualms about taking his money.  With disaster averted I went on to watch as Garrett, a now happily intoxicated idiot that he was, reenact a scene from ‘Scarface” while he made a complete ass out of himself.  What the Hell did Alice see in him again?

Turning back to the stage I thought the best, for both of us if I just ignored him.  I wouldn’t blow a gasket and Garrett wouldn’t spend the next six months drinking his meals through a straw. 

The songs extended chorus is wrapping up and the number was looking to be just about over, by the way the dancers were all positioning themselves at the last minute.  Bella was flawless throughout the number, twirling and dipping sensually to the music and if had anybody told me rather than me seeing it first hand I would have surely laughed and called them a liar, but here she was, a goddess on stage. 

It was during some complex spin that I didn’t know the name of when the same red head from earlier, the same ugly bitch that practically threw herself all over me, bumped into her, hard.  Bella stumbled forward but caught herself just shy of toppling over.  To the casual observer it looked like nothing more than an accident; inadequate timing or even perhaps a slip, but I saw the triumphant smirk on the bitches face, she meant for that to happen.  Perhaps jealously forced her hand, maybe she wanted Bella’s spotlight.  I didn’t know and I really could give a fuck less. 

Fuming, I watched Bella throw herself back into the number, having a hard time getting back on track and regain her lost time with the other dancers. As it finished I could see the disappointment in everyone’s eyes.  Bella had tried to finish strong but the damage had already been done, the number was way off.

At this distance I could make out the tale-tell sighs of tear-tracks running down her cheeks, despite the bright smile on her face and as the curtains started to fall a look of sheer panic and fear crossed her features.  It immediately put me on alert as I strained my eyes to the left of the stage, hoping to follow her line of sight to what ever had scared her so badly but I could see nothing but empty stage.  It rattled me more than I liked, seeing that look on her face.  Bella is and always will be an O’Doyle and she’s never scared easily.  She hung her head, as the heavy red fabric of the curtains fell together behind her, refusing to look at me as she exited the stage. 

Emmett stood up with a jerk, knocking his chair over and rattling the table.  It startled me from my thoughts but when I looked up I think a sort of understanding washed over me.  His face was scrunched up into a deep scowl, his eyes narrowed in the direction that Bella had left in.  I knew this look, I had seen it many times.  He was angry.  No, scratch that, he was pissed.  It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that something had to do with Bella. 



His hands curled into claws and his nostrils were flaring as he turned to me.  “You strapped, Jazz?”  He asked through gritted teeth as he looked me down through the slits of his eyes. 

I don’t know who or what set him off this way but they were about to receive the worst ass beaten of their lives, Emmett Cullen Style.

I really don’t why he asked me such a stupid question, he knows with out a doubt that I always have a gun somewhere on me, but I amuse him all the same. “Aren’t I always?”  I asked, a sly grin forming on my lips. 

His eyes shift back towards stage left, like his eyes could follow some neon trail that I couldn’t see.  “Let’s go.” 
      

Preface

Jasper
.
Helpless. 

I was helpless as I watched her walk away from me for perhaps, the last time.  A man no longer my brother following along smugly behind her.

A hug, kiss to the cheek and a whispered I love you was all I was left standing with.  Along with that smug smile stapled to Edward’s face.

As I stood there longing to go to her I thought to myself that I should have known.  It was only a matter of time before he pulled something like this.  It was only a matter of time when he would take her from me.  Edward never was one to deal well with jealousy and this erratic behavior only severed to better my point. 

He was smart, I would give him that and my sweet Bella had no idea what she was in for.  Hell, sometimes I wonder if she ever did when she entered into the relationship with the man I used to consider family.  The man I have only grown to hate, even more so now.

She had been just a teenager when she and Edward started dating and I’ll admit we were all naive at the time, but things were so much simpler back then, and how were we to know back then how things would turn out.

We had all grown up together, minus Bella, she didn’t come into the picture until much later, not that we loved her any less for it.

Jasper Whitlock

 

 

I, myself, came into the Cullen household when I was just a boy of six after my parents had died in a horrific accident.  I barely remembered their faces now, but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten their screams.  My Aunt Esme - my mother’s sister - along with her husband Carlisle graciously decided to adopt me and raised me as their own.

It was interesting to go from being an only child to automatically having two younger brothers to call my own.  Edward being two years my junior and Emmett was four.

I may not have been born a Cullen but I took great pride in being the big brother and helping to raise them.

Our little Alice came into the family about year after I moved in.  A sweet little thing she was with more energy than should be humanly possible - even for an infant - and mop full of black hair.  I called her the ‘Wonder Child’ cause it was a wonder to me that she was ever here.  

The wonder being that Esme was ever impregnated to begin with.  After Esme had a particularly hard pregnancy with Em, Uncle Carlisle offered to have a vasectomy.  I guess it didn’t take as well as they had hoped.  The funniest shit was the look on his face when Esme appeared in the living room with a positive pregnancy test in hand; he went white as a sheet.  

Emmett and Edward Cullen

None of us knew about the family business in those days and I don’t think any of us really knew about it at all until we were in our late teens.  We were not dumb children by any stretch of the imagination, quite the opposite in fact.  We knew normal kid got to go to the park or play-dates without the aids of armed bodyguards just like we knew most family didn’t have their homes raided by police at least once a year.

But we didn’t care.  We were the Cullen’s we loved hard, feared no one and more importantly we stuck together.  In short we loved it.

Growing up as a Cullen was the happiest times in my life, but that was all it was, a distant memory that was now crashing down around my ears.

My peaceful days were gone forever now.  

I laughed out loud at my first memory of Bella.  It was Alice’s first day as a freshman in high school and we were all a little surprised when Edward showed up at the house four hours before school let out with a teary eyed Alice all banged up.  Even more surprising was the girl - that seemed to be closer to Edward’s age - that Alice was clinging to like a lifeline.  

Bella and Alice

Of course, Carlisle and Esme were more than a little distraught over the ordeal, but after Carlisle had called a private family meeting in the dining room Alice assured us that she was fine and quickly launched into her story.  Apparently, Bella - said girl in question, was actually Isabella Marie Swan-O’Doyle and apparently she had saved my baby sister from a group of senior girls that cornered her in a bathroom stall.  Alice said they were teasing her about ’the family’ and their affiliation to the Irish Mob, and of course they picked on her about her height and whatever it is that girls tease each other about.
In Alice’s words, Bella had, “Beat the shit outta them.”  Laughter bubbled in my chest and I really did try to stop it, but one look at my sister’s animated face as she balled up her tiny fist and reenacted the entire incident, my laughter bubbled over and slipped out.  I laughed, I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. Well that was until Bella burst into dining room and I got my first good look at her.  

My first thought was God, she is beautiful. and the second I am a little embarrassed to admit.  I had never seen anything so beautiful before that day, and it remains so after.  She had a fresh shiner over her left eye and blood on her knuckles.  It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and all I could think was that she was perfect.  
 
It was obvious that she was still growing and maturing but she stunning even then.  Long rich dark hair that fell in waves to her waist and it was a beautiful contrast to her alabaster skin.  Rose cheeks made more prominent when she blushed and wild amber eyes, almost mimicking the color of honey. 

Embarrassingly, I’ll admit that I observed her closely that first night, hardly being able to remove my gaze from her and as I did I found that her personality only furthered her beauty.  She had a loving heart and a wicked temper which was only increased by the presence of the ever annoying Emmett.  But it was her fierce loyalty to my family that caused the dark haired beauty to steal my heart. 

When Bella had sat down to tell her side of things we all laughed.  She too, was quite animated in the telling.  She apologized to Carlisle and Esme for getting Alice into more trouble, by starting a fight, but when she had heard those “snooty bitches” picking on the Cullen’s, a family that had shown her nothing but kindness that she would have never forgiven herself.

I was sorry to see her go at the end of the night, but I took comfort in knowing I’d see her in the morning.  I would be seeing a lot of her in the near future seeing as she and Alice would be spending a lot of time together in detention.

To say I was intrigued with the little Bell would be putting it far too lightly, because in my mind it was so much more than that.  So much that I had practically drove my Uncle Carlisle up the wall until he spilled every thing he knew about her and more importantly what Bella had meant when she said the Cullen’s showed her nothing but kindness.

When Carlisle finally broke, he laid it out for me.  He told me all about the life of the infamous half-breed of the underground.  I growled at him when he called her that, I hated the term half-breed but that is, in fact, what she was; half Italian and half Irish.  A mixture frowned upon by both sides.

Bella was born, Isabella Marie Swan, to Charles and Renee Swan.  I had heard the name before and I knew he at one time was one of Carlisle’s oldest friends and most trusted ally‘s.  Her mother, Renee; the daughter of a well-to-do Irish family that oddly enough had dealings with our family.  Her father, Charlie; an ex-soldier of the Volturi Mafia.  It was an odd pairing in my book but who was I to judge.

Story was, that Renee ran off with another man, leaving a toddler Bella in her father’s care.  Sad part was that Charlie ended up leaving Bella as well about six years later, only he left on the end of a bullet.  There are a few suspicions on how he died.  One story being that Charlie had in someway betrayed the Volturi family and Aro had him assassinated.  And some say it was all over a dispute on a gun shipment that turned bad.  I think both stories are bullshit, if you ask me.  Charlie was a very capable man and had even more capable friends, no, this was something that had been planned for years, though, who knows if that mystery will ever be solved.  I just thank my lucky stars that Bella was out with the nanny when it happened, I couldn’t think of her being in that house and have to watch her father die.  I had done that myself.

Bella being only eleven at the time and having no living relatives to speak of, Bella was set to be placed in Child Protective Services.  My uncle and aunt couldn’t stomach the idea of one of our own going into such a nasty place and had a mind to adopt her themselves.  I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am that didn’t happen.  Thankfully a comrade of Carlisle’s came forward and asked that he be allowed to adopt little Bella.  My uncle said he was stunned that a man such as Alistair would wish to adopt a child. 

Alistair O' Doyle 

Alistair was lonely, dedicated bachelor, but he was an upstanding gentleman and one of the best damn hit-man the world has ever known.  The man was clean and methodical, and it was widely spoken that you never even know he was in the room with a target until the body was found.  Like I said, clean. 

I laughed again, remembering the shutter that ran through my body that bit of information.  Bella was Alistair O’ Doyle’s daughter.  I had only met the man in person a handful of times, but I knew enough and heard enough whispers from the guards on detail.  The man scared the shit out me, to be frank.  And I had to think well, shit, no wonder the girl could brawl, her adopted father was a living legend. 

Carlisle had also set up a trust fund for Bella for Alistair to control until her twenty-fifth birthday, not that see would need it being his daughter, Alistair was very well off. 

I could tell you that I slept peacefully that night, my dreams filled with the beautiful brunette that had already wormed her way into all our hearts, but I didn’t.  I was too consumed in my thoughts of her, she had suffered so much in her life, and I felt we were kindred spirits, her and I.  My heart went out to her and I had a feeling my life would never be the same.

The next morning she showed up at our door, bright and early.  It was Edward who opened the door to great her and I cursed myself for staying in bed so long.  I could her explaining to Edward that she was here to pick Alice up for school seeing that they had detention together for the next several weeks.  And I could hear them laughing together as she retold the story of her getting her prom tickets revoked to keep them from getting expelled.  

I mused to myself that Bella must have really worked those girls over to warrant such punishment.  From what Bella said, Jessica Stanley came from a wealthy family and had a close relative that had a seat on the school boards council, and it really didn’t help that Jessica was the girl who had to have her jaw wired shut.

When Edward asked her if she had all to do over again would she do it differently, she replied with a simple,  “Fuck that!”  

I laughed upon hearing that and immediately she turned nervous and shy, and I couldn’t help but tease her.  Petting her head and telling her to run off to detention like a good little girl.

Yeah, not my best idea.

She smiled at me in almost a devilish way, it made me a little nervous and rightly so, this was all before she balled up her tiny fist and punched me…hard, and told me to “Shut my big fucking mouth,”  before she stole the keys to my Ducati that were hanging in the foyer and took off with a giggling Alice.

Now that I think back, I know I fell in love with her that day.

Days turned into months that turned into years and Bella remained.  In just shy of four years Bella became the heart and soul of this family; another daughter for Carlisle and Esme to spoil, another sister for Emmett to torment at every turn and Bella had and always will be a hero to Alice, but more importantly she became my best friend and the love of my life.

There weren’t many days of those four wonderful years that you couldn’t find us together, but as my luck would have it she starting dating Edward.  I couldn’t blame her, though, I never had the balls to tell Bella how I really felt; to tell her I had been insanely in love with her since  the day our paths crossed. 

As I watched Edward loading the last bits of luggage into their SUV, I wished had.  Maybe things would be differently now.

They were leaving, and he - Edward - was taking my life with him.  At age Twenty -two she was moving seven-hundred and ninety miles away.  All for the whims of a selfish prick, who I have no doubt cared nothing for my sweet Bella.

This had all started over Christmas break.  They had returned from the University of Illinois the holidays and almost immediately he started spewing that he and Bella would be moving, and to New York of all places.  His excuse, was he wanted a better life for himself and for Bella.  He wanted to cut ties to the family and the business that went with it.  Edward wanted to go legit, he had always thought of himself as better than us but I never thought of him going this far.  I could understand not wanting to tied up in the life of an arms dealing family, but to leave us completely, it was foolish and unsafe.

He was fuckin’ stupid in my book.

Edward Cullen was the true first born son, and heir to all that the Cullen family held when Carlisle passed the torch.  Edward would be leading us all, with the financial backing of the Cullen family and his college degree and clean cut GQ good looks he could do whatever the hell he wanted with his life, which included turning the business legit if he really wanted to.

But Edward has always been sullen, his distance from the rest of the family had been a near constant even through his childhood.  Always quick to judge and jealous of others.  When Bella had entered our lives she changed him much like she changed the rest of us, or so I had thought.  He began participating in family functions and joining in with his classmates from his University, and it made Carlisle and Esme extremely happy.  These intense changes in Edward is what had me biting my tongue all these years; I wanted my brother to be happy.   I never begrudge him this, after all it was my fault I didn’t have the stones to get there first.

And I would have happily took my secret with me to the grave, but somehow I knew his excuses and explanations were all a farce.

I called bullshit on everything Edward had to say.  He made it seem like all of his doings were for Bella’s welfare.  

It was crap and even he knew it.

All of it was really.  Edward was one of those children that constantly wanted to be in the lime light.  He acted sullen because the attention he received was not what he wanted.  Edward was sadistic, maybe even more so than me, he was just better at hiding it from others.  Edward, unlike me was a prissy fucker that didn’t like getting his hands dirty and held an abhorrence for violence, but he still wanted the power and glory that others received for such acts.   

That had been one of his many excuses for leaving the family; his abhorrence for blood, but what he failed to understand is that I knew that he would never have to lift a finger if he choose not too, that was what I was here for.  It was what Emmett and I had been trained from teenagers to do.  

I made sure to bring up that point during the family meeting that was held to discuss Edward and Bella leaving.  I brought up many points that night, but they were moot now anyway.  Nothing would change his mind and I knew that going into it, but that didn’t stop me from letting him know just how I felt about it.   He knew I could give a shit less about him leaving, actually I made sure to stress that point, and to be honest I really don’t think Carlisle cared either.  It would Alice and Esme who would take it the hardest.

My only concern in this whole circus was Bella.  Edward was taking a big risk by taking her from the protection of the family, and he knew it.  It was well know throughout the crime underworld, that the Volturi family had a great distaste for the Swan’s and I’m sure Bella’s existence was no secret to them.  Edward might as well have been tying a lamb to the lions den.  

I tried to voice my concern on this issue time and time again, and brought it up again this very night, to which he smugly replied,  “Were going to college, Jasper, not war.”  I had never wanted to hurt him more than I did tonight, especially when he refused to have a detailed guard put on Bella.

I informed him in nothing short of a growl that if she were to be hurt due to his stupidity, blood or no blood, he would cease to exist.  He knew very well the my threat was genuine and that I would make good on it.  

He only smirked at me and eyed me knowingly as he told me that Bella Swan was not my business and to leave what was best for her, to him.  

Of course, I blew my top and had him pinned to the nearest wall before Emmett or Carlisle could even rise from their seats.  I explained to him in only a way he could understand; it was not gentle or calm, he had to know I was serious.  I told him that she was very much my fuckin’ business, I even told him my dirty little secret.  Unexpectedly lips crooked up in a sort of smirk and he simply whispered,  “I know.”

Helpless.

I was helpless as I watched her walk away from me for perhaps, the last time.  A man no longer my brother following along smugly behind her.

A hug, kiss to the cheek and a whispered I love you was all I was left standing with.  Along with that smug smile stapled to Edward’s face.

Now standing on my uncles open faced veranda, watching their taillights fade into the blackness along with my heart and I prayed.  I prayed for her safety and for her to one day be brought back to me, but more than anything I prayed that no matter what happened, no matter where Edward took her she would always know how much I loved her.

I regret not following her and I regret not telling Bella long ago how I felt.

My final thought that night, as my heart sunk into the abyss that it had lived in before see strolled into my life, was how much I was going to miss her.

I would miss her so very much.